Welcome to Musing by Moonlight, where I take the opportunity to get off my chest anything and everything to do with books.
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Sex in YA Fiction

Some time ago I came across a blog post written by Mostly Book Obsessed about how she wished there was more sex in YA fiction. The comments section generally agreed.

When I started to compose my own response, I found it was far too long (and far too late because the post was originally published in April of 2014), so I decided to turn it into a blog post. This post was inspired by the discussion hosted by Mostly Book Obsessed, and is not intended to be a direct response nor a critique of her words or beliefs.

 I hate how unrealistic it is that couples hardly ever have sex in YA…  I find it hard to believe that these horny teenagers can’t find (or make) time for it…

This doesn’t paint a realistic picture because, have you seen the statistics?  The reality is that most teens in high school do have sex.

Let’s Talk About Sex in YA – Mostly Book Obsessed

MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE

It’s weird to me to think of teenage girls being horny and actively pursuing sex because I didn’t become sexually active until I was in my twenties.

Part of it is because I was sexually assaulted when I was a child. Usually when this kind of trauma happens, a child will react in one of two ways: they’ll either become promiscuous, because sex is no longer important to them, or they’ll withdraw and be frightened of being intimate with anyone, much like Tris from Divergent. Tris thought Four was fucking hot, but she was still intimidated and scared by the thought of getting all naked and vulnerable.

I certainly wasn’t saving myself for marriage- in fact, I dated a boy for over 2 years without having sex. Oh, we tried once or twice, but we didn’t know what we were doing, and deep down I didn’t really want to be intimate with him. I loved him, and I liked making out, and I thought he was handsome, but I had so much emotional baggage and he wasn’t mature enough to help me deal with it, unlike the man who became my husband.

CLEAN READS

In most bookstore, YA is still sold in the children’s section. I’m no prude, but I don’t necessarily think children should be reading about sex.

That’s one of the reasons why I love Young Adult novels so much. I don’t mind if the kids have sex, but I kind of prefer it when they don’t. I just can’t relate to sexually active teenagers.

I love first times, first kisses, first love. That’s why I love YA. I love the thrill of firsts. I’m in an established relationship – I’m married. Let me live vicariously through teens with crushes and angst and heartache and first kisses with boys so hot you can’t think straight.

YOUNG ADULT SEX SCENES I LOVED

That being said, The Fiery Heart by Richelle Mead contains a scene I was OK with. Sydney’s 18, Adrian’s older, and they’ve been in a slow-burning relationship for a while. Sydney’s always stopped him from going further, but one day she’s just ready for it. And honestly, I was kind of like that, too, except I was older than Sydney when the day I was suddenly OK with it happened.

One of the most realistic sex scenes in a YA book I read was in Adorkable by Sarra Manning. Oh, it was just so sweet and teenager-y. I have never read anything like it in YA. It was just so real. And it’s been a while since I’ve read it, so don’t take my word when I say I’m pretty sure the two characters were not in love yet. they were just madly attracted to each other and moved to the next step in their relationship. It all seemed very normal and natural and Manning just has a way of writing an incredibly realistic scenario.

In All The Bright Places, Violet didn’t have sex with her ex-boyfriend, but she loses her virginity to Finch, who’s known to be sexually active. I had an issue because they didn’t seem to use protection, but I was ultimately OK with them having sex, even if I did think it progressed from first kiss to first time pretty quickly. And they had sex more than once, and neither of them regretted it. Again, like Adorkable, and The Fiery Heart, it was a natural extension of their relationship. They were in love, they were attracted to each other, they wanted to get naked and grindey. There was one lovely scene where Finch realises she’s a virgin and immediately pulls back, all because Violet hesitated and pulled away a little. It’s completely normal for a virgin to be intimidated by sex, and although it didn’t go into that, that itself is a feeling I was very much in tune with for all of my teenage years and young adulthood.

UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS

My teenage boyfriend wanted me to be his personal porn star. I also thought I was too young, which is ironic because I ended up losing my virginity much later than the average girl. And in the end, the way I lost my virginity isn’t something I regret, even if I was older, because I didn’t lose it to some twat-face. Way too many teen girls regret the way they lost their virginity.

I guess an eighteen year old in a 2 year relationship NOT having sex is ‘unrealistic’. But it’s my reality.

The sad thing is, I think readers who want more sex in YA are the ones with unrealistic expectations. In reality, yes, teens are having sex – but SO MANY teen girls are regretting having sex. So many teen girls are pressured into sex by boys who don’t love them. Teen girls are pressured to have sex to be cool or to impress the guy, like in New Girl by Paige Harbison and The Secret Diamond Sisters by Michele Madow. It makes them feel grown up or whatever.

I mean, maybe I have an unrealistic expectation about sex. I can easily say I have only slept with a person I am deeply in love with. In reality, most girls wouldn’t be able to say this. I’m really glad I didn’t have sex with my teenage boyfriend. If sex in YA fiction were to be reflected more like reality, we’d have a lot more sex, but also a lot more regret.

WHAT IT ALL BOILS DOWN TO

Teens who are hot and horny for each other but can’t, for whatever reason, get it on?

Instant conflict. The very basis of all storytelling.

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