I figured out why blogging has been so hard for me this year.
And it’s not just any one issue, but a collection of things.
1) I’ve been beating myself up because now that I’m working less, I should have more time to read, right?
But I figured out that I actually did most of my reading in my lunch break when I was working, and since I’m working less, there’s less time to read.
2) I also did a lot of my blogging during work hours when I was working full time. Since it had been years since anyone checked up on me and I was doing the same task over and over until I was ready to scream, I would get bored and distracted. And since I didn’t have any minimum KPIs or requirements to fill, since no one even checked the work I was doing, that meant I could think up topics to discuss and prepare all my blog posts ahead of time.
Now when I’m working it’s full-on and I don’t have time to be distracted. Also, I’m not doing boring repetitive stuff anymore so I’m not daydreaming about books when I should be inputting numbers.
3) I was having this medical issue where if I stopped for long enough and was warm and snuggly enough, I would just fall asleep. I did it at work, when watching TV, when reading, and even when driving once, where I once almost killed myself and my husband. I was up to two energy drinks a day, since I don’t drink coffee, and it still wasn’t keeping me awake.
But now that my medical issue’s being treated and I feel amazing and I wake up refreshed and can go a whole day without napping or taking in any caffeine, I’m spending more of my free time doing other hobbies I didn’t have time to do when I was working full time, like binge watching The Big Bang Theory and playing The Sims 3 (I adopted a unicorn, so that’s something).
4) My husband hasn’t even managed to finish a single book this year, and he’s mostly been on bed rest, so maybe that’s got something to do with it, too. Since I’m working less and we’re co-dependent, I spent a lot of time with him, watching him play videos games or watching TV with him. I no longer have the ability to read with a noisy environment, so I sacrifice book reading to be in his company (which happens when you’re married, all you singletons rolling your eyes).
We’ve had a really, really tough year, with his medical emergency and rehab, us moving house, me losing my job and getting my medical issue treated and looking for work. It’s been tough and reading just isn’t a priority at the moment.
5) My joint blogging venture failed so badly and despite having over 4K followers I don’t know if anyone reads what I write anymore or even if there’s a point to all of this.
I just have to keep reminding myself that I’d still be blogging even if no one read what I was writing because I love to write my thoughts down and I love reviewing.
I still love reading. When I open a book, I’m still transported, I still feel the joy of reading that if you’re a fellow reader reading this blog (and I don’t understand why a non-reader would be reading this, but I’m sure you exist, so hi! *waves*) you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about. But it seems to be a bigger effort to pick up a book and get through it. I’ve been reading one book for over a year now.
I still love reviewing, though since I’m not reading very much I’m not able to produce much content. I wish I could go back to reading and reviewing a book a week but since I’ve been reading the same book for over a year now I’m not sure when that’s going to happen.
I’m still buying books. Not in great quantities, but book buying is one of my greatest sources of joy, as is receiving unsolicited books for review and reorganising my bookshelves. So if I do happen to come across something that sounds amazing, I’ll buy it (although I am still pretty picky when it comes to book buying). I know I’ll have a good time if I open a book and read it. It just seems like such a massive effort for some reason.