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Top Ten Books I DNF’d Too Quickly

and I don’t regret a thing!

Reading is my hobby, and so is reviewing/blogging, although I feel a certain level of responsibility to keep reviewing/blogging because I pay actual money to have this blog hosted. I also work full time, and don’t have much time to luxuriate in reading, say 200 books a year. I need to be a picky reader, and as a result, I don’t like to waste my time reading shitty books. You can actually see that  out of the 500+ books I’ve read and rated on Goodreads,  I’ve only continued to read untilt he end, and given ten 1 star. I have DNFd 24. I will DNF a book if it meets certain criteria:

• It’s poorly written
• The characters behave in such a way I literally just cannot
• I am bored out of my freaking mind
• In very rare cases, when I can’t deal with the character’s name

Here are ten books I DNF’d quickly, and I don’t regret a thing.

Undeadly by Michele Vail – DNF’d on the first page

This book has the honour of being the fastest I’ve ever DNF’d a book. In the very second paragraph, Molly kisses Rick a grand total of three times, in three different ways, in what is supposed to be one kiss.

1.  Rick’s lips ghosted across mine.
2.  He angled his mouth against mine and I opened for him.
3.  Tentative, I met his kiss and felt electrified.

And she is still unsure about what she’s doing. I’m pretty sure she’s kissing Rick, but hey, I could be wrong. Not to mention the whole ‘tentatively clinging’ thing.

Beautiful Danger by Michele Hauf – DNF’d at 15%

I don’t like the voice.
Words are simply missing in the narrative.
The main female character is extremely weak willed when faced with a crazy hobo vampire, and it’s totally NOT sexy.
The main female character is contradicting herself all the time.
The hobo vampire is super creepy and unappealing.

Dark Wolf Running by Rhyannon Byrd – DNF’d at 42%

This is pretty fucking sexist. First women in fridges, then bachelors commenting how it’s strange a woman hasn’t mated yet (obviously because that’s all women are interested in), then women screaming and panicking like ninnies because of snakes even though they’re werewolves who could eat said snakes. Not sure if I can continue. Why are romances so fucking sexist?

Frost Arch by Kate Bloomfield – DNF’d at 7%

Nope, sorry. Can’t do it. When absolutely none of the dialogue is correctly punctuated and there are way too many homophones – such as ‘queue’ used in the place of ‘cue’ – I simply don’t have the patience. Typos are one thing: not having a grasp of the written English language is another.

The Concealing by D.E.L Connor – DNF’d at 13%

The prose is unbelievably juvenile, clumsy, awkward, clunky, and just plain bad, repeating words on the same page instead of choosing new, exciting, describing words, with way too much telling and not showing. Also, really weird use of beats in dialogue. Far too clumsy storytelling for me to read the complete book.

A Breath of Frost by Alyxandra Harvey – DNF’d at 17%

I’m abandoning it because three major events happen in quick succession and the three lead girls seem completely unfazed by the earthquake, the fire, and the frost. They don’t care, and they’re not reacting at all to these major events. One of the girls broke her only remaining keepsake of her mother and was only vaguely annoyed at the person who caused her to drop it. One of the other girls is supposedly very close to her mother, and when he mother asks why she’s wet the girl brushes off the enquiry and doesn’t mention said earthquake, fire and frost. Why write that stuff in if the girls don’t react?

The Winner’s Crime by Marie Rutkoski – DNF’d at 25%

Fuck Kestral. At 25%, which is where I put this book down once and for all nearly in tears, she casually suggests murdering a whole herd of horses to save some land and make the people more vulnerable to invasion (and probably slavery). She’s a total doormat too, and completely passive. By 25% through the book, literally nothing had happened except Kestral had a few boring conversations with boring people and Arin rocked up to sexually harass her.

Witch Hunter by Virginia Boecker – DNF’d at 14%

I don’t like how Elizabeth is painted to be with wonderful witch hunter because she just keeps screwing up. And I understand it’s not her fault, it’s the plot conspiring against her so we feel sympathy, but I really can’t suspend my disbelief enough to accept three things:

One, that the best witch hunter in the kingdom would visit a witch and obtain witch’s herbs, knowing it was illegal and she could be sentenced to death.

Two, that she would allow herself to get blindingly drunk while the herbs were still on her. Because remember, she’s the best witch hunter there is.

And three, that the herbs would fall out of said pocket and everyone, king and mentor included, instantly accuses her of being a witch. I understand that not everyone being burned is a witch but the whole ‘witch-hunter falsely/mistakenly accused of being a witch’ is not being pulled off as cleverly as it could be in the aims of making the audience sympathise early on with our spunky little heroine. It feels contrived.

Oh and four, that this heroine who can kill a man with her thumbs would allow herself to be taken prisoner and put in this situation to begin with.

50 Shades of Grey by E.L. James – DNF’d at 4%

OK, 4% is all I can handle. We’ve already had elevators moving at terminal velocity, Ana blushing when anyone so much as looks at her, Ana’s best friend immediately assuming Christian Grey is in love with her, and now Ana’s mother has jumped to conclusions over Ana’s romantic/sex life as well.

Beguilement by Louis McMaster Bujold – DNF’d at 2%

The only reason I DNF’d this was because a main character’s name is Dag, which is an Australian colloquialism I urge you to look up. I can’t do it. I’m sure it’s otherwise a wonderful book.

What are some reasons you will DNF a book? Have you read any of the ones I DNF’d? Let me know in the comments below!

 

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